It snowed today!

So tonight my roomate is keeping me awake playing Stained - Its been awhile "since i fucked things over" because I killed the electricity for the second time in the whole house. Everyone else works and i dont so they had to set their alarm clocks.

There is a lot I have to touch on. Ed the bass player doesnt want to be in the band, he wants to focus on his carrier. I am looking for jobs, 1 application a day. I might start bumping them up as time goes by. I am living in an Oxford House, after my plans to move in with a friend went down the drains. Then my dad (miss communication) passively told me he didnt want me living at his house. I was staying there less than a week, so i left went outside called my mom pissed off. I woke her up and started going off about my dad and she was half asleep and crying; told me what to say, so I go to see my dad and tell him "i'll have my bags packed and be out of here by tommorow and im going to sleep." All my dad could say was "that was fast." So I went to my room and had the first thought about drinking alcohol in 3 years. I left and started making phone calls, when my friend mentioned that I had the obsession to drink I told, "hmm drink, that doesnt sound like a bad idea i have a car and gas and tons of money" I also said "I feel so fucked up on the inside that I would like to jump in front of a car just so my physical body is align with my emotional pain" and then after talking to my sponsor, I prayed the serenity, lords prayer and a prayer to stay sober and for all my family and the whole time im crying my eyes out. My nose was filled with SNOT (i also cried to foo fighters - times like these a couple days before because of the lyrics "its times like these we learn to LIVE AGAIN, times like these we GIVE AND GIVE AGAIN, its times like these we learn to LOVE AGAIN, its times like these TIME AND TIME AGAIN.) Afterwards I talked to another alcoholic who had me breathe several times until I felt a little better. then told me to pray to get to sleep.

After this I started having trouble trying to sleep but I got intouch with my doctor from florida and he bumped up my meds and i have been perfect since then. Still a little moody and not always having the "right thought" but with my sponsor I am attending meetings regularly and he said I was already working the first 3 steps; (i picked up my 2 month chip) He said just that I should wait another 30 days until we go over my fourth step, but that I could work on the first column if i wanted to.