thweapist

I was feeling down a couple of nights ago. I shared in an AA meeting i feel like i'm drowning in my friends problems. All i want to do in my life is help others. Now I like to work with people with addiction problems, mental problems, and developmental disabilities because I have the patience god has given me to help them.

I want to get a profession where i can help people this way. Not that I cannot help my own friends, its just when they keep cropping up in my life and they're pain affects me then I feel hopeless because they are not actively seeking recovery or my help. Some say they do but have so many walls and layers that need to be broken through.

This new years was the same as last year. I ran into my best friend playing drums with another band and I wanted to be up there with him. I saw my girlfriend from highschool and we talked too. I said to both of them. "I havent seen you in a year or talked to you in a year, I would like to at least talk bi-annually." They both said yes and re-assured me when I asked "really?" However I dont think they feel the same love mutually. These two people I care about a lot. I have a lot of love for them. When I looked into my Liz's eyes they looked glossy and grey and different.

My friend in the oxford house seems to have a lot of drama with him at all times. He wasnt always this way.
The rest of the house is okay i guess for a sober house. I feel comfortable sometimes until i mess up and forget to do paper work that i am supposed to do

My ex girlfriend wants to be in a relationship again. and i am not ready for that. I like her but I am not ready.

My other ex works at the therapists office I am going to see.

I need to work out a routine get to sleep on time my friends tell me and so does my doctor: Without scheduled 8 hours of sleep my meds dont do a thing.

Whenever I am by myself I get a little sad.

I want another Job I cannot stand the job im working at right now

I am very spiritual, positive, loving, and understanding.

I am sad, lonely, too lazy to be angry. too medicated to be angry

I want to cry sometimes when I think about the fact that I miss my mother dog, and step father.