Bored Listening to music

I am writing because I want to. I am hardcore. I am listening to music right now so I am just saying what I hear as well as what is cropping up in the old skull of mine. I see in all the pictures of a person that was me but doesnt seem like it anymore. I feel tormented by what i've been through in a very dull and lackluster  whatever.
So I got some new ebooks on a wide range of topics. When I feel like learning something I turn on the ebook reader and do that thing. Now I am listening to music because I just want to get away. I feel like I have no best friend anymore. I mean my childhood friend will always be my friend but I dont know if I need him anymore. I want him, dont get me wrong, but its not gonna happen so why waste my time. All I need is enlightenment and to spread that to everyone I know. I want to meditate in the mornings. Okay well now im bored and tired. I'm always this way it feel like. I got a case of the fuck-its. UGH