Thursday I went out with Samantha from the NYA group. I had so much fun it had to have been one of the best days of my life. We met her friend there who's bf was playing a set acoustically... we got to talking i eventually backed him up on another acoustic!! this was my 3rd Live appearance on guitar live!!! We as checkout out an art show with a girl being body painting,

ate dinner on a long boardwalk out on the intercoastal and finished the night dancing to some dubstep at a club. Great night!

Christmas Eve: My mom now has some depression and it collided with mine like a 2 car pile up. Its like putting gasoline on a fire. or everclear into my bloodstream. Its been about 2-3 weeks since I've felt off my rocker but right now i feel pretty good venting. Xmas was good. Although i didnt stay for Charades and my mom really wanted me to because im her only blood relative. But i couldnt do it. My body repulsed the feeling of puttnig myself in that situation. She also said she didnt want to do it/go she said she had to put on a facade to make everyone think everything was just fine. I didnt understand that, if your family is supportive they'll understand you, if they dont... their loss, their ignorance. But one day another sick person will come into their life or they'll get sick themselves.

I dont know if i have mentioned but i started networking. Not only at AA meetings but on facebook. I have news feeds for specific groups of people. Eg. Positive, Spiritual Chat, Spiritual Group, Interesting, AA, etc.... It really helps me stay in contact with close friends that have similar interests.

Feelings: everything seems irritating. without warning, I crash land. I feel so bad that everything seems sad, dark, and heavy. Nothing feels good, and you're certain that you're stuck in this black hole forever. you are screaming at the top of your voice (in the car), feeling extremely out of control, extremely irritable and you want to smash everything around you.

Full-blown mania is from hell. In fact I think it is worse on those around me. I call this kind of mania the "bad mania." Far from being fun, it is absolutely miserable and when I have been full blown manic I have scared many people as I can be way out of control. (i remember going manic at a friends house in college in his apartment, i was Beatboxing making funny voices and my frienrd was high. When he saw that i wouldnt stop, he kicked me out.)

http://dinoandbuddha.livejournal.com/49106.html "Oddly enough, no emotional or stressful breakdowns thus far. I feel I'm living and dancing right on the edge but I could fall at any time." This is exactly how i feel at the moment. And a good song to represent this is Aerosmith - Living on the edge." Taking it easy. Very easy. Trying to have fun and keep the PMA at all times." PMA!!!!! " I GOTTA KEEP MY PMA" - Bad Brains

My eyes are kind of messed. I usually see blury but if i focus my eyes well enough i can see half way decent. I wish i could just see clearly effortlessly.

LINKS 2 check out: (spiritual)

http://lazaris.com/newvisitor.cfm

I'll end this post with an Irish blessing

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
and the rains fall soft upon your fields,
and until we meet again,
may God hold you in the palm of his hand.

(and below a motivational speaker)

http://theetstory.org/home