To continue from my last post, I finsihed my 11th step. "saught through prayer and medtiation to improve our higher contact with a god of our understanding." And I had already been praying and meditating. So this continued. I then recieved my 2 year chip. And this is where my journey begins:

I am escalating into a manic cycle maybe depression but i dunno. I drank a huge monster energy drinks a few nights ago and one a day after. I also was on the train home and forgot to take my meds. I also think i forgot to take them one time a couple days before my train ride. Here are my stream of thoughts:

***Stream of thought****: I'm thankful for the dogs in my life, my relationship with women, music that I hear and play. Supported Family, unconditional love, aa, a good friend, this moment, I am always getting better, I feel better all the time, time is an illusion, I feel better now, and now, and now. My optimism rises exponentially, god things happen in my life, I feel calm inside, I always look @ things from another perspective- we were driving and a mini van cuts us off or is speeding faster than. Us n were already driving 10 over the limit, then guys in car say what a jerk... I take 1 second and say "that van had children in it and they were late for something important, and the children are our future." And though no1 acknowledged the creative optimism I feel my presence brought light into their soul. Another perspective I've learned is to always say its all good instead of no problem. The word problem subtly givesa message that it was a problem but not anymore. I try to be compassionate. I listen in meetings for something I want to hear I don't fret or sweat about someone too into the problem. I think life is the solution. Life is eternal, hope is eternal, everything good positive optimisitic there are many truths but only one truth. God is omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscience. I network with those good souls with love and stay connected and we help one another. This made me think: life is a bitch and then we die. The seventh sense is that we are all one. Metaphysicaly we r all 1 heart 1 lung. Things still make me embarrased and uncomfortable but I use humility, and love and when things seem bleak I like to laugh about it. I know when 1 door closes another opens. Opportunity is knocking, when one door closes there's a window open. A window of opportunity. I choose patience over expectations. I love to pray and meditate. I want to move to india under a guru, or visit for a meditation retreat. No one is perfect but we are all perfect. No 1 is the same but we are all the same. I am working on normal tasks- anxiety with school meeting girls I like I start shaking but that's normal and introverted and highly sensitive but that's normal. Crazy is as crazy does. Insanity is repeating the same thing over and expexting different results. Technology and human evolution is happening at an exponential rate. Soon nano bytes can replace white blood cells, sending enough oxygen for you to stay underwater for 10 minutes with one breath. we only know 15% of the brain, but with reverse-technology we will, in 15-20 years know 90% of it and start developing nano tech brain cells which can do anything imaginable. Viritual reality in place of your sight or augmented reality, gps with your eyes, send videos of what your seeing. If u can wrap your mind around it. Use you intellect to lead you to self, to really overstand life. The most green burial you can have is do wat the tibetens do. Take your body to the mountains n then chop your body into pieces for the vultures to live...
(Pee break)
Apperences r illusions, beauty is on the inside. matter, for matter of fact is an illusion everything we think we see feel hear smell experience are just chemicals in your brain. dmt releases into your brain every night you sleep and contains geometric trance acid-like formations sometimes with "alien" like apperances that somehow keep you mind from going crazy.®(joe rogan) In dreams we receive cosmic energy, but in meditation we receive abundant cosmic energy flow. This cosmic energy heals our phsical body, spirit, and concsiousness. Our soul is or concsciousness, when we move to afterlife our speck of consciousness, which. Contains all the good, positive, spiritual, love experiences, returns to the collective consciousness. The phsical body is 98% space. Atoms are 98% space. The universe is mainly space n is expanding. Change is inevitible and change happens from the inside.

2. Writing lyrics is challenging soulwrenching peerpressuring humiliating and creative I just started up again after a year. I saw a poerty meeting one night and also with my stream of thoughts I felt in the mood to write. I am blessed to know a great writer n I'm getting some feedback from him right now. I have problems with being too eccentric incoherrent, and unstructured.

Everything happens for a reason. Hoobastank - the reason tears me up.

Hey Pete, What's happening Bro?

Maybe catch you next time.. Was thinking about you. My wife has been sober for 19 years. Glad to see you got your two years in.. It only gets better. - friend

this guy i might want to check out http://lazaris.com/newvisitor.cfm

***THE NEXT PART OF THIS BLOG IS ABOUT MY RECENT SPIRITUAL JOUNREY AND BRAIN DISEASE ESPECIALLY THE BIPOLAR BUT NOT JUST SPECIFICALLY NOT ALCOHOLISM :***

When you say thank you and someone says “no problem” it may/or may not suggest there is or was a problem. Or if you say thank you and someone says “no problem” you make a inside joke and say “no kidding its your job”

I seem to have lost perspective with my racing thoughts and disorganized disjointed disconnected, incohesive spasmodic chaotic thinking

But my spiritual teaches me I can learn to say (instead of no problem /worries) its okay, that’s fine, your welcome, it all good. At times I really have a keen ear for positivity, when my grandiose brain tries to intellectualize the self.

THIS NEXT SECTION. Here. Now, i'll talk in lower caps, I just wanted to somehow organize these thoughts. The next section is a work in progress. Google Voice will now translate my rants into text so whenever I feel textual. Not to be confused with sexual. I can can speak into a text blog. I dont lost my voice plus I am a singer I dont want to talk on a podcast about my bipolar. Maybe One day I'll post the mp3 of some of these Blog Google Voice translation talks. I have to still translate them because they are not PERFECT. Not every human is perfect, but every BEing is perfet. So just BE.

11/29/10 3:53 PM Hey. So I say I figure im an introvert and I am, I am an INFP Intiutive Introverted Feeling and Preciving But I I I feel myself going outside of myself thats because im escalating to a manic episode

Where I talk a lot faster and. I think Fast and I my motions go faster next. Mixed emotions. And I'm laughing. And feel like crying at the same time.

But you know. Right now a couple things that calm me down cigarettes, (anti-anxiety meds, deep breaths) and I just took non caffeenee tea see it which I mean tea still has probably caffennie in it (retrospect this tea made me really sleepy on the way home like really. I was near little water falls and fountains and the tea said the same way you hear and feel a waterfall you will taste this tea. So it was Powerful (good/calming) to say the least.

( I talk about relaxing because its 330 they close at 430 and they are literally rushing me. I am taking my time, And I tell them about my history my aunt nancy is a orchid, grower, writer, and judge here on the west coast and my sister is a horticulturalist. So at the end I told them I liked the angel trumpets, kadalia, and jack fruit.)

Mint melody just as a lovely waterfall brings a sense of regreshment to your eyes and ears

Mint melody will bring the same quality to your sense of taste. Enjoy mint melody its lively flavor refesshes all any time of day. So im gonna refresh my time of day with cig,tea im at the orchid society here in florida by the morikami gardens and hopefully I can take braeanna here some day and just hang out and its be tranquil and ill finish with this another time bye.

*** Here is what google voice translation made of that converstation***

But anyway to said on the back it says mint melody, just as a lovely waterfall bring the sense of refreshment key rising is in 90. Will bring the same quality sense of taste, enjoyments now the It's slightly for your refresh to the all anytime of day. I was gonna fresh. My time in the was here in and says my tea and Is. The. I'm of the audit society. I had for the but mark on the gardens and how they can take ramming a Sunday just hang out and this is really try to call and I'll finish with this another time. Bye.

More to come in the future. Past present and future are all a state of mind, the reality is they're happening at the same time I get a little help with google voice. But maybe because im escalating my voice is too fast too google translate into text. My SOLUTION?: Download the mp3 of the voicemail, then to Audacity, slow it down really slow then type out what I was saying.

These next talks expect them they should be on escalating. NOT GHOST DRIVING