Last night was pretty freaky...

Last night was pretty freaky... in a eerie way. It started like any normal night until I had a manic attack. When I got home I didn't take my pills till late and didn't eat till later. The label reads *Warning:* Take with food.

So this is how it happened, I started having

(1) racing thoughts

that I should get online and start organizing photos on my moms CPU and then my mom Pops outta the bedroom and says "Get to bed" or something. She came out so fast it woulda scared me if I hadn't been so emmersed in arranging. I then started talking to myself about this> "Maybe if i stay in the moment ill never be scared or caught off-gaurd."

(2) Paranoia

Then I decide its time to go to sleep. On my way to the bedroom I see a car pull into the nieghboors carport real fast and kids hop out. The red lights red glare the bombs bursting in the air sent me into a transe of negative thought (racing thought). Maybe there after me. Then a lot of kids start showing up to the house right across the street from my bedroom. I keep peering outside as highschoolers at night start chattering running around rambuncious with the lights peering at my room now. 90% of my thoughts were telling me "they're talking about me." Then the other 10% optomistic said, 'maybe i should go outside." To "hang" or "walk by unsuspisiouly. I wrote this down. "They were gonna shoot." (empty stomach).

Bipolar is emo insane.

Yougurt rests my stomach, more importantly my mind. I start to drift off. Thinking about the laundry or something borring then, an A.A. meeting. Some lady ends what she has to say and a country accented 50 year old man starts saying, to stay sober it is all "WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO"x2 I don't blink I am feared for my life I know what had just happend, I sprung up in bed with a cold sweat on my forehead.

<<>


Its as if all my inner dialouge speeds up 167mpb and doubles or triples, while at the same time rushes in a stream from the back of my head to front. and out my face.

The clock read 12:01am and immediately I called my psychologist. He told me to take another Seroquel. I tell my mom the next day and she asked if I should have called him and there was no doubt in my mind.

In addition to what else I wrote that night: "A.A. meetings I try to oversimplify things. I need to prepare for work: "Be the change you see in the world"