i feel trapped. and crazier than ever.

i feel trapped. and crazier than ever. Its ironic, because ever since I was a kid and i saw my more mature friend taking medication... I wanted to take pills. Now that I have to take pills... I dont want to.

I feel my social, artistic, and mental progress slowing.
So far I havn't had Depression. I am what you call Bipolar VI or Unipolar Manic.
They say every Manic has to have depression Before they're 40. I DONT WANT DEPRESSION.
fuck that... But i also dont want my life to flicker away.

I need to decide what I want in life. A comfortable lifestyle or freedom from fear.

I dont want to end up in mental ward again.
I do want to help other alcoholics, others with mental illness, anyone and everyone.
I do love to grow older.
I dont want to be trapped by the confines of medication.

- my unc died @ age 50. both grandparents either suicide or died from alcoholism.

Bleakest Interspearance
Music made by a young schizophrenic before taking medication. Mixture of noise, rock, noise and more noise. 4-track madness captured in 1999 and remixed in 2003. Originally released on cassette and CDR.


Fifteen Styles of Distorted Thinking:
Mind Reading- Without their saying so, you know what people are feeling and why they act the way they do. In particular, you are able to divine how people are feeling toward you

- at the dmv when i had manic episodes i thought i knew what everyone was thinking. I also had uncontrollable urges toward the opposite sex.

music: The Misfits
Josh McCurdy