She said she'd see me.
LOve it is a meloady, hands and faces, earth and sky. LOVE IT TAKES UP EVERERYHIGY... HOW YOU LIVE AND... HOW YOU DIE. Nothing in the world will ever be The Same. :)

*abstract* My Emotions are Waves Crashing over reality. I am surfing past their grip to maintain control. It hurts to feel insane. Insane in the membrane.

*abstract*

PILLs: I am on saraquill(just quit resperdal yesterday) & Tryleptal. I just started saraquill last night. It knocked me out within the hot minute and gave me a restful sleep. So today I felt much better. Yea its true, I feel good. But slightly. Becuase it was just yesterday I was having a MIXED EPISODE.

the mixed episode was scary. I was depressed and happy at the same time. or on and off briefly. It was shit my pants scary. I just felt so depressed but then I would act manic and have racing thoughts. So my racing thoughts woukd be depressing thoughts (negative thoughts) and this incessant pattern was drilled into my skull. Luckily I was at my doctors and he prescirbed me new medicine.

My Problem: I have been anti-social recntly due to my medication and re-Release into the world from the "mental ward" What is POLLITICALLY CORRECT?

because its not a Mental instution which holds patients permanantly. So what?! Women are locked up in paddedd cells with straight jackets. People are stuck watching a TV for 6-7 hours with only 2 30-minute recess outshide. I digress...

After being let back into "society" I have had to deal with norms. Why cant I shaved my head with arrows in it and go to work? Why cant I have friends? Why cant I keep a relationship with anyone? My mom has been the only one to have contact with me besides people at work. I don't go out on the weekends. I don't exercise. I am close to my mom, but when I am manic and depressive I want nothing to do with her. I get anxiety whenever she walks through the door. And I cannot control it. She says "I've gotten better at not taking it personally."
My mother has helped me immensely. She has told me I was judgmental and after some introspection I have found myself in the act of Judging. Since then I have visited people at A.A. Meetings, or at school and I have practiced non-judgmental skills. I just look at the person, listen, and say don't judge this person. It's very great. Easy way to stay Correct, Positively headstrong, and One with being.